the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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