Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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