he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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