last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
