i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
