yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize