Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
