Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
