I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
