what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
