also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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