I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
