If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
