I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
