There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
