I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Houston, we have a squirter
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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