What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
