New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
