She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
