if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
