did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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