He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
