then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
