i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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