I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
