ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
