i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
