Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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