with your own penis?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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