why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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