you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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