Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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