Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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