guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize