He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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