just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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