so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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