so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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