I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
