I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
