So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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