it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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