Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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