She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
