You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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