i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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