i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
