We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize