she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
