You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
