just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
apparently the secret to your success is patron
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
