apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
