My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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