Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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