Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
