He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm having to shit out rocks
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