I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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