She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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