i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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