Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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