So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize