Don't make out with my wife yet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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