She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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