It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
im on a boat
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