I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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