i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
