We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
