Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
