I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
