they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
