i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
