I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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