Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
