I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
