i was born a porn star she said
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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